o o o
So, we pick up where we left off with Isobel standing at the door facing a horrified Jenna. Isobel tells Elena that it's nice to see her again and Jenna's brain melts a little bit more when she realizes that Elena knew this whole time that Alaric has been lying to her. Then one eye proceeds to pop out of her socket (spring attached and all) when Isobel asks, in her awful voice, "So.. you're the woman who's been dating my husband?" This is the moment that our suspicions about Isobel wanting to destroy Jenna are confirmed- she didn't need to visit the house right then, she didn't need to let on that Elena knew what Alaric was lying to her aunt, and she didn't need to word that sentence the way she did, or even say it at all. So, basically the main purpose of this house call was to cause Jenna's brain to explode.Mission accomplished.
Elena refuses Isobel an invitation into the house and once the door is slammed, her aunt has a meltdown. It's great how she doesn't ask any questions, like - "Elena, your birth mother is alive? How are you coping with that fact?'' or realizes that this is just like that time she didn't tell Elena that she was flippin adopted. Nope! Jenna doesn't want to hear a thing from Elena's lying mouth, and she runs up the stairs to lock herself in her room where she proceeds to have a total meltdown.
Dang. Rough night.
o o o
So Damon and Stefan are rushing down the stairs of the boarding house the next morning, discussing why in the world Isobel would just go to the Gilbert's in the middle of the night, but I have a very, very, hard time paying attention to any of this. This is because either Ian Somerhalder slighted someone on the hair and makeup crew or the person cutting his hair is still mad about the whole Mason Lockwood debacle (understandable). I can't really put into words what has been done to him, but essentially they've turned him into a 40 year old lesbian. The kind who rides a motorcycle and has a tattoo of the word 'MOM' in a heart on their biceps.Katherine slides out of the shadows to tell them not to tell Isobel that she is still in town after escaping the tomb, stating that the less people who know the better. Plus she may need to play Elena again and this will make it easier. Both Stefan and Damon glare at her, but grudgingly admit this isn't the worst idea and as Stefan leaves he delegates it to Damon to let Alaric know that 'his wife showed up on his girlfriend's doorstep.'
o o o
Alaric arives at the Gilbert house just in time to catch Jenna rushing out - she is going to live on campus now (because that's how college campuses work - you can just barge in and find and empty room to crash in until you feel like being a 'parent' again.) That's how mad she is, she literally cannot stand to be in the same house with Elena. Really Jenna? Really? This was the moment that I officially stopped forcing myself to look at Jenna as any sort of legal guardian and decided to look at her in the 'older sister with no real responsibilities at all' role. Granted, she hasn't taken care of Elena or Jeremy (remember him, Jenna - the other child you are responsible for) at all since she became their guardian, but it should be common sense that you cannot. move. out. when you are upset at one of them.Anyway, she blows off all their attempts at an explanation, saying it will all be lies anway, and tells Elena that, since she has officially abandoned them, she needs her to accept a check for her mother's foundation from Mrs. Lockwood. Jenna storms out and UncleDaddyJohn slithers out from where he was listening in the kitchen. He starts to go on about how Alaric should have been honest from the get go, but Alaric isn't having that shit and punches UncleDaddyJohn right in the face! Now, I love UDJ, but I totally agree with Elena on this one when she laughs and asks, "you do know this is all your fault? Right?"
o o o
Caroline calls Stefan. She is freaking out! She can't find Matt! Where is Matt? Product placements galore! She is heading over to the Lockwoods - Matt is supposed to have a catering job there today.Elena and Stefan talk about what with Jenna abandoning her duties, and Matt on the loose, and Isobel just existing everything has gone to hell but are interrupted when UDJ asks them both to come downstairs...
Where Isobel has been invited inside and is waiting to tell a tale.
Apparently she has been doing everything possible to find Klaus - she's been trying to get to him before he could get to Elena. She insists that all she's been trying to do all this time was to protect Elena, but neither Elena or Stefan is buying this. Isobel continues on to tell them that there are rumors spreading around the vampire community (tight knit, they are) and there is basically a bounty on Elena's forehead.
Elena loses her cool and bites out that ever since she's known Isobel all she has seen is copious amounts of evidence backing up the fact that Isobel could give a damn about her. John explains that even though Elena didn't know it, all Isobel has been doing this whole time is helping - take the tomb vampires for example. Remember when Isobel and John helped get them all killed? Well, that was because any one of them could have let slip that Katherine was still alive. Klaus would have gotten wind, showed up during season one, and discovered Elena.
Elena points out that that is all fine and dandy, but that plan almost got both her boyfriends killed. I love that UDJ is still totally unrepentant about that aspect of it all.
Isobel then offers Elena a safe-house - a house with the deed in Elena's name, so that no vampires, including herself, can get in. She asks Elena to let her help, to which Elena replies "You wanna help? Then get the hell out of my house."
Awwww snap.
o o o
Remember Luka? Witch? He got burned to death? Yeah, that one. He's still there, crispy as hell. Damon and his hairstyle (my lord, I cannot get over it) along with Bonnie and Jeremy (what?) go to clean up the apartment - i.e. pack up grimoires and dispose of bodies. Errday stuff.Bonnie expositions that when daddy warlock died he left her instructions on how to harness power from a site where a witch has been died a violent death. Damon informs her that he knows where all the witches were burned and Bonnie proceeds to use that nifty summoning a book trick to find the right grimoire that holds all the instructions. And you thought that parlor act was useless. Shun the non-believer.
Book found and body wrapped up in it's rug, it's time to hit the road.
o o o
Isobel enters the foreclosed house (which is GORGEOUS - makes we wish I had a terrible vampire momma who wanted to make things right) and is immediately confronted with Katherine. They do the vampire beating up vampire thing that always turns into a warm hug. (Why does that always happen? Is it a thing?) They smile and laugh and Isobel informs Katherine that she has been busy negotiating with Klaus, in the way of finding a way to save Katherine's life.They sit down and have some wine and discuss how Isobel purposely disrupted Alaric and 'Auntie Vanilla's' (laugh out loud) lie ridden relationship out of jealousy. Then it's on to business (wrapped in lies.) Isobel tells Katherine that John let her in the Gilbert house and is keeping her informed on everything because he thinks she is trying to help. Isobel admits that she could not get to Klaus, but she did get to one of Klaus's witches and said witch said that Klaus is willing to grant Katherine freedom if she can deliver both Elena and that damn moonstone to Isobel.
Katherine is quick to agree to these terms, which this recapper is very surprised at. Isobel cannot be trusted, ever, by anybody. Katherine has killer survival instincts encoded into her DNA, but for some reason instantly trusts this extremely untrustworthy woman? Hmmm, seems a bit sloppy, but whatevs. What do I know? Maybe its that one day of the year when Isobel can be trusted (spoiler alert: it's not)
Isobel asks Katherine if she's willing to double cross 'her boys' and Katherine says fuck yeah - Damon and Stefan are sailing on a hope and a prayer and nothing else and if she sticks with them she's dead (see - survival instincts) So as of right now, Katherine is team Isobel.
o o o
So, two vampires and a doppelganger are sitting in a darkly lit room. No, this isn't a lewd joke but rather the next scene. Damon, Elena, and Stefan sit around and talk about never, ever trusting Isobel (word) but it would be idiotic to just ignore the rumors about everyone wanting to kill Elena - especially since so far all we've seen is everyone trying to kill Elena, everyday. The idea is thrown round for Elena to live in the boarding house, but that is veto'd and they decide that Elena will just always, all the time, be followed by one of them. There is no way that she can get hurt or kidnapped or anything with this plan, right? Right?First venue for bodygaurding? The Lockwood Mansion to get that check thing Jenna was talking about before she officially became the worst guardian in Mystic Falls. And that is including Sheriff Forbes.
Katherine barges in and in the most unsubtle, ham fisted way I've ever seen her, demands information, now. No one says a thing, except for Damon who lets her know that, all because he hasn't taken a flamethrower to her ass while she's asleep, doesn't mean anyone in that house trusts her.
El oh el.
o o o
Speaking of worst parents ever, Liz and Carol are discussing how the Mystic Grill has been burned down and, because they don't know about witches, assume it was those crazy, rebel vampires. Caroline busts in asking if they've seen Matt. Carol says no and counters with her own inquiry: has anyone seen or heard from her underaged son, Tyler? The one she only asks about when someone else is MIA? The one she really does not seem that concerned about?Caroline says nope and zooms off to search some more. She runs into Elena and Stefan who promise to help her look after Elena accepts this check.
Caroline has done more searching for Matt than Carol Lockwood has done for her own son.
Stefan says to Elena that hopefully Matt will come around to dating someone who is technically dead and will never ever age, and he and Elena bump foreheads and are sickening.
o o o
Bonnie, Damon, and Jeremy (what?) are out in the woods, trekking to the place where all the witches were killed. Damon talks about how he tried to save Emily from being killed as they walk up to a... house? What? They were burned in a house? How did that work? Why not the acres and and acres of surrounding field? How did the house not get burned down? Or was the house built later on? I don't know, that confused me.Anyway they enter the house, and the witches don't want Damon there so they freeze him in front of a window and deactivate his ring. Soon he skedaddles, getting the hint.
o o o
Back at the boarding house, Katherine is going through Damon's room trying to find the moonstone. After stealing a stack of fives and digging through the fireplace hearth she gives up and goes to wash her hands in his bathroom. Where she finds a bowl of decorative soap that cleverly (not really) hides the moonstone.That was easy. Bet you that stack of fives that he hides his journal on his bookshelf.
o o o
Ric is getting into his car when Isobel shows up.His hair looks cute.
She spouts some shit off about really, really loving him and that she is so sorry for a lot of things before his brain is attacked by a - well, I'm not sure what that is. It can't be a witch, that's for sure, the guy not being African American and all. So this thing hurts Alaric's brains while Isobel saunters off to talk at someone else in that horrible voice of hers.
o o o
So Jeremy and Bonnie are in the house. Jeremy acts worried, Bonnie kisses him, and it's all very... them. Don't get me wrong - I can see the appeal in this couple, I just personally do not see the appeal in this couple.Anyway, the couple-y stuff is over and Bonnie sets her crap up. The whole time she is harnessing the power there are whispers of the dead all over the place and it's apparently really traumatizing because she makes this hilarious screaming/crying face.
o o o
So, back to the Lockwood's and Elena is presented the check. Up in the wings, John meets Isobel. He asks what she is doing there and Isobel cheekily informs him that she is creating a distraction. Fer what exactly? She takes out her fangs and rips his throat out before tossing him down the stairs.And because Stefan is the worst bodyguard ever, he takes his eyes off of Elena to go check out why a dead body is now laying in the foyer. Because a dead body (not just UDJ's dead body, any dead body) isn't a pretty damn good reason to make sure you can keep the person you're supposed to be protecting at all times in your eye-line. Because it's not suspicious that UDJ got thrown into a group of people where your girlfriend is getting a check. Sigh.
Anyway, Stefan leaves Elena alone and she is of course snatched up by an identically dressed Katherine.
I swear, Damon and Stefan have the best ideas.
So at this point everyone is freaking out because a dead man just tumbled into this room and Liz (who also doubles as the worst sheriff in the United States) tries to convince everyone that its just a flesh wound - UncleDaddyJohn isn't dead and that, really, all he needs is some air. She sounds super pissed, like how dare any of these people look at this lifeless man that has tumbled into their tea party/check ceremony. Anyway, I'm sure no one believes Liz because so. many. people. die in this town everyday and they know the deal. They let Liz believe she is a good liar and haul ass under the pretense that UncleDaddy needs lots and lots of space.
During this Stefan totally remembers that he's supposed to be keeping Elena from getting kidnapped and encounters Katherine/Elena.
o o o
Clip to Elena knocked out in the back of Isobel's car.o o o
I giggle because once outside Stefan pushes Katherine/Elena really hard. I giggle because no one else milling around knows that it's Katherine and I have to wonder how many people think Stefan is just a terrible boyfriend. He snarls that he knows that Katherine isn't Elena and demands to know where Elena is.Katherine injects him with vervain and tosses him in some bushes.
What do people think of Elena and Stefan's relationship?
o o o
Carol is ushering people out, still trying to convince them that there isn't a dead DaddyUncle right there and Damon comes in. He tells them no worries, that John has this ring that won't let him die. He takes the body and leaves and Carol and Liz are all, um...Liz is leaving the mansion and Matt! Matt is here! And he's super angry. He demands to see Vicky's files. He knows that they covered up the fact that she was killed by vampires. Liz tries to act like she has no idea what he is going on about but Matt isn't having that! He's pale, and angry, and confused! She pins him to the car and tells him to calm down.
o o o
Damon dumps UDJ in the foyer of the boarding house, washes the blood off of his hands and takes off his shirt. And his shirt is off, and his shirt is off, and I think he receives a phone call from Stefan letting him know that he sucks as a bodyguard. Damon is understandably angry and (with his shirt still off) digs through his soap dish slapping it onto the floor when he realizes the moonstone is gone.o o o
Isobel gets a call and and it's Katherine. She tells Isobel she has the moonstone and in response Isobel tells her she is sorry. That she was basically compelled to do all of this and that Klaus wanted the moonstone and Katherine, not Elena. Then that thing that they are trying to convince us is a witch comes up from behind Katherine and knocks her unconscious.o o o
Caroline comes home to find Matt in her house. He explains that he confronted Liz about the vampire thing, but he didn't get a chance to tell her anything else because she called him crazy, and took him to her house to calm down. Then she got called in and he decided to wait for Caroline to get home. He demands to know everything.o o o
Jeremy asks Bonnie is she's alright, she says yeah, he says 'um I saw that face you were making' and she sighs and says it's just a lot of power to have access to. He asks her to demonstrate. What Bonnie hears is, "pretend you're Storm from X-Men." She proceeds to make the clouds cover the sun, creates lightning, and has the wind blow in. Lawdy, the power. I can't take it....
Bonnie is lame.
o o o
Stefan and Damon go that foreclosed house to find - absolutely nothing.Bust.
o o o
So Isobel takes Elena to a cemetery and shows her the grave her parents put up for her. They gave up on finding a body but still put the headstone for memory sake. Isobel goes into this speech about how her parents visit the headstone every week and lay down flowers and how the grave, to her, represents the human side of her that died when she became a vampire.Elena is basically like, 'that's nice and all, but are you taking me to Klaus or...'
At this moment Isobel gets a phone call from that 'witch' who tells her he has the moonstone, to let Elena go, and that everything is over. Isobel looks relieved, hangs up, and then apologizes for being such a bad mother. Now, I don't know if she does this because Klaus told her to kill herself after her job was done, or she has a flair for the dramatic, but she then rips off her sun protector necklace, bursts into flames, and burns to death in front of her daughter. I don't know, maybe it's me, but a person doesn't apologize for traumatizing their child and then immediately continues to further traumatize their child. This was one of the few times I felt bad for Elena - seriously, her life really kinda sucks.
How is she going to get home?
o o o
We join Caroline finishing up telling everything to Matt and he's kinda being a dick. I say this because if she explained everything the way we saw it unfold then why is he still blaming her for anything besides the lying? If we are going by Mystic Falls' crazy time Caroline has only been a vampire for about two weeks - she's still coping.Anyway, she tells him she loves him and he's super upset that everyone has lied to him, and she's so sad when he demands she erase everything from his mind.
She doesn't want to but he yells and she's so sad about it but does it because she loves him so much.
o o o
Elena is back at the boarding house fingering that pendant her mother ripped off of her neck. I see this coming into play in the future for when Elena turns into a vampire. Elena didn't expect to ever mourn Isobel, but here she is. She and Stefan try to figure out why Klaus let her go and they come up empty. Damon walks in, with a shirt on, ( booooo! ) and says they need to take precautions. He hands over the deed to the boarding house, telling her that it is officially hers now, and only he, Stefan, and whoever else she allows will be able to come in.UncleDaddy finally wakes up and Damon roughs him up a bit. UDJ says he's so sorry and had no idea what Isobel was going to do. Elena tells Damon to let him go and I laughed again because seriously, Elena has both of these guys wrapped around her finger.
o o o
Remember when I said Bonnie was lame earlier? Yeah, well here's more proof to back up not only that but also proves she is probably worse than Elena.So Jeremy is reading all those books they pilfered from a dead man's house and he's discovered that the only way to kill an Original would be for Bonnie to use up all of her power reserves. And life. Jeremy tells her this is stupid and there has to be another way, but Bonnie basically tells him this is the only way - she has to die to save everyone else.
Sound familiar?
It should.
Now we see why Bonnie and Elena are besties.
She walks away and Jeremy slowly but surely feels his brain deteriorating - why are all his girlfriends supernatural, dead, and about to be dead? Is it him? Is he coming on too strong? By the end of this series Jeremy will either a) die because he was trying to save Bonnie from sacrificing herself or b) walking around wearing thick leather gloves, convinced that everything he touches dies.
o o o
Matt leaves the Forbes house and goes straight into Liz's cop car. He tells her that he drank the vervain, had Caroline tell him everything, and lied about having his mind wiped.Matt is going to tell Liz everything.
EVERYTHING.
Besides being ridiculously sad for Caroline, this is very very, very, bad for everyone.
o o o
UncleDaddyJohn and Elena are discussing a few things. John is shocked that Isobel did that to Katherine because they really were besties. Elena asks why the hell would he trust Isobel if that was the case.His argument is pretty compelling - he knew Isobel when she was human. When she was human, and broken for giving Elena up. She was his first love and he didn't want to believe that she would ever hurt their daughter. He, at this point, finally admits that he has fucked up badly and will leave if Elena wants him to.
She tells him to stay - that he, UncleDaddyJohn, is LITERALLY the best and only thing she has resembling a parent.
I'm one of the few that actually love UDJ, but even I can admit that is tragic.
o o o
Damon and Stefan are having a night cap and they realize that no one knows that Bonnie has her powers back, essentially making her their secret weapon. They clink glasses, I remember the most she can do is kick up leaves, and simultaneously hope this will go both wonderfully right and terribly wrong.o o o
Katherine wakes up on the floor and blearily looks around. She sits up and sees the 'witch' chanting some ooga booga stuff over some dude in a chair surrounded by glass containers, some full of blood and some already empty. She realizes that her necklace is gone and peers closer at the goings on.The chanting is over and... it's Alaric in the chair! He pulls out the IV of blood, stands up, and the 'witch' bows to him. (Can I just say Matthew Davis looks great. I mean ridiculously great. He has this look in his eye and this quirk to his lips and goodness me, is it hot in here?) He turns around as Katherine tries to get up and run. It's fruitless of course - there's a curse on the door.
Then Alaric is behind her - he takes her face in his hands, speaks, and - he has a really thick European accent? He tells Katherine he's missed her?? Katherine gasps and calls him Klaus??? He smiles????
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!?
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